We’ve all been there: sitting in a circle during a holiday party, staring at a pile of oddly wrapped packages, each hiding a mystery gift inside. The excitement of a white elephant gift exchange lies in its unpredictability. You never know what you’re going to get—sometimes, it’s a quirky item that brings a smile, yet at other times, it’s something you never imagined having or even wanting. But hidden within the laughter and lighthearted fun is a deeper truth: sometimes, the most unexpected gifts bring the most significant value if only we take the time to appreciate them.
Feedback can be a lot like a white elephant gift. It often arrives unexpectedly, wrapped in layers of words and intentions that can feel awkward or uncomfortable. At first glance, it might seem like something you don't know what to do with, or worse, something you’d rather return. But just like those mysterious holiday packages, feedback—especially the kind you don't think you need or will use—can represent something far more meaningful when you take a moment to truly reflect on it.
When we receive feedback, particularly constructive or critical feedback, our immediate reaction is often one of defensiveness or disappointment. It’s easy to focus on the negativity this type of feedback represents, much like unwrapping a white elephant gift and finding something that doesn’t immediately spark joy. Our default may be to think, “This isn’t what I wanted." "Why did they give me this?” "I don't need this, nor do I like this!" or worse, "I'm not accepting this!"
But just as every white elephant gift serves a purpose—whether it’s bringing humor, surprise, or even a little bit of discomfort to make us laugh—feedback is often given with similar intent. Whether it is feedback we initially accept or not, we must recognize that feedback reflects how others receive us and, more often than not, a view shared by others who lack the confidence to share it with us. Just as we afford our white elephant gift an opportunity to find a purpose in our lives or in our homes, it is equally important that feedback be provided the same chance to find purpose in our lives and beings.
The true value of feedback, like that quirky or seemingly useless gift, often reveals itself only when we intentionally step back and reflect on it. The person who offered feedback did so for a reason, often with the intention of helping us grow and improve, ideally so others can have better experiences with us in the future. Genuine feedback is not predominately about pointing out flaws or mistakes; rather, it’s about providing insights into our behaviors that we may be blinded to.
Consider the effort and risks involved with providing feedback...it requires courage to approach someone and share observations, especially when those observations might be difficult to hear or are being told to a supervising person. In many ways, the giver of feedback is investing in you. In a landscape where new opportunities are right around the corner, it's often easier to simply walk away when we feel unsupported. Someone willing to risk their own psychological safety by providing you feedback is doing so as an expression of their desire to stay with you. Your denial of it, or hostility in receiving it, will only create a confirmation bias in the eyes of the giver that their perception was, in fact, right, and it will assuredly result in them leaving.
So, how do we go from “I didn’t want this” to “I’m grateful for this”? It starts with shifting our mindset. Instead of viewing feedback as a critique to be avoided, we can see it as a gift that has been thoughtfully given. This certainly doesn't mean we have to accept it, but it does mean it warrants an evaluation of whether it should be accepted or not. Just as we might reframe our perspective on an oddball white elephant gift by finding a use for it, appreciating its humor, or simply enjoying the surprise, feedback can be reinterpreted as a tool for growth.
Embracing feedback means unwrapping it fully and looking beyond the surface to understand the intent behind it. What is the giver trying to tell you? How can you use their insights to improve or evolve? By approaching feedback with an open mind and a willingness to learn, we can transform it from an unwanted comment into a valuable asset.
Feedback, much like a white elephant gift, is about connecting. It’s a way for others to communicate with us, share their thoughts and feelings, and contribute to our journey in a meaningful way. It might not always come in the form we expect or want, but it’s worth remembering: there’s value in every gift—whether it’s wrapped in shiny paper or difficult truths.
The next time you receive feedback, try to see it for more than the superficial content; view it from a lens of it being someone's truth, and recognize it may be exactly what you need to improve, given by a person who risked a great deal to provide it to you. And just like that quirky white elephant gift, it might be something you didn’t initially want but may later recognize how desperately you need.
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